BigBed Positioning Rights

Our next question comes from Chloe and concerns the thorny issue of bigbed rights, in particular

Should we have free movement to extend diagonally or will we need a visa?

Now we are all too aware that some furs do not have bigbed rights which is quite frankly an outrageous state of affairs and deserves the harshest of punishment … but ever mindful of our remit as legal beagles Labradors it would not be appropriate to answer questions which have not been specifically put to us.

We turn to Regulation No 831/2007 dated 1 April 2007 governing the Rights of Dogs in Positioning Themselves on the BigBed

Once BigBed rights have been established, all dogs regardless of size, breed or sex shall have full and unfettered rights to lie (with or without legs being in the fully extended and locked position) in any direction upon the BigBed as in their sole discretion they consider may best provide them with optimum comfort;

Such rights shall include the right to lie upon any part of the anatomy of the human as may be deemed by the dog, acting reasonably, conducive to their sleep needs; and

Such rights shall not be subject to attempts on the part of the human(s) to subvert the chosen position by whatever means.

The issue of big bed rights in this context is complicated by Brexit Bedxit as a consequence of the relevant regulations being found in European legislation.

We do not as yet know what the long-term intention is as regards these Regulations, although in the short-term they should be protected by the Great Repeal Bill which will ‘copy across’ the relevant regulations into our domestic laws. So for the time being pals, you can rest safe (whether diagonally, upside down, lengthways, sideways or curled up) that no visas are required. We are also sure that in the event of any change to domestic legislation in due course appropriate transitional provisions will be applied.

Floor Noms

Our first question comes from Megan :

Is it the law that any noms that fall on the floor belong to she who gets to it first?

This is a very good question Megan, not least because humans adopt an utterly bonkers a wide and varied attitude towards floor noms and this causes no end of confusion.

Who amongst us has not experienced the baffling five-second rule ? Does anyfur actually know what happens to the said noms at six seconds ?

Then there is the very tricky question of ‘whose noms’ when you have pesky gorgeous [edited by Mabel] siblings to contend with.

And that is before you get to the added complexities that outdoor floor noms brings, when otherwise seemingly normal humans transform into this Hyde-ish character bellowing LLLEEEAAAAVVVEEEEIIIITTTT at the top of their voices and in a manner calculated to cause as much embarrassment as possible, but we shall leave the thorny issue of outdoor noms to a future post.

For the answer to Megan’s question, we turn to Part 3 of the Dogs (General Rights) Act 1972 [as amended]

Part 3: Food

4.  Indoor Food

(a) Dogs may at their absolute discretion sit or lay or stand:

(i) beneath the countertops during food preparation time; and

(ii) beneath the table during dining hours 

for the purposes of escaped nom disposal and no liability shall accrue in respect of any tripping hazard howsoever caused and which may from time to time arise as a consequence of the exercise of these rights

(b) Where there is more than one dog in the household then each and every dog shall have the rights referred to in sub-section (a) above and such rightsmay be exercised by any one such dog on the basis of getting to the escaped noms first

(c) The rights referred to in sub-section (a) shall apply regardless of where such food preparation or dining shall take place within the confines of all that land and buildings known colloquially as the house but as is more particularly defined by reference to such deeds and title documents as the humans may from time to time possess 

5.  Interpretation

In section 4, the words ‘escaped nom disposal’ means the disposal by a dog by whatever method of all and any noms that may land upon the floor for whatever reason and for whatever duration SAVE THAT humans may be permitted to recover,  within a period of 2 seconds commencing with the time that the said noms land upon the said floor, any foodstuffs that may, from time to time, be designated as unsafe for canine consumption by a veterinhairyman PROVIDED THAT such foodstuffs are listed on t’interweb and have been confirmed as unsafe by an appropriately qualified canine resource. 

So there we have it … as clear as the windows of the car before nose art. First come, first noms.

Welcome

Welcome to the Daisy and Mabel blog.

Why a blog ? Well, we already tweet (or should that be twoof ?) so we have some experience of the social media life BUT there are just some things that require more than 280 characters to say.

During our exhaustive time in Twitterverse it has become apparent from the many tales tails of woe that there is a serious lack of understanding of canine rights and we are often asked for our opinion – as bonio fide law dogs (OK, so one of us is technically still a trainee) – on such serious matters of canine rights as:

• Is it ever acceptable for noms to be late ?
• What is the position regarding canine access of food on the kitchen countertop ?
• When exactly is it permissible for walks be curtailed due to weather ?
• The contents of the fridge – mine or theirs ?
• Whose sofa ?

So this blog will seek to address these and other essential questions by reference to lesser known and frequently overlooked pieces of legislation such as the Dogs (Human Noms) Act 1998 and the Fridge (Access Rights) Regulations 2002.

If you have a question to ask, or if you feel that your canine rights are being eroded, then please do not hesitate to get in touch. We are waiting for your call on 0800_MY_BISCUITS message.